This Silent Day

I am up early on this treasured day off!  I have about a thousand things to do, and I’m going to fly into action soon. But I was sitting here, eating a huge breakfast, considering life, death and all that comes in between, and I began to think about people, near and far, close now or close once.  And I considered the interesting/painful/joyful aspects of relationships, why they start, what they bring, how they end if they end.  

There have been failed marriages, but I still respect and even like those two men in many ways, and I decided long ago that where there was once love, there need never be hate. Seasonal relationships, I guess!  :0)

There have been good friendships that have solidly survived long periods of non-communication, with understanding that sometimes traumas/depressions/fears/anxieties/busy lives get in the way. True friends remain friends – loyal and compassionate and empathetic, and we love each other more for that!  Lifetime friends, I would say. <3

And there have been a couple of good friendships that couldn’t survive those times.  These are painful, especially when they’ve been very important for a time.  I struggled terribly with these, as a part of me wanted desperately to  reason with them, challenge hypocrisy, fight for the continuation of the relationship, but I understand, by their lack of sensitivity for my times of intolerable, torturous pain, as well as by my own inability to be there for them, that we’re all done.  Truth is, we failed each other, and I’m sorry for those mutual failings.  I loved them truly, these friends, who turned out, sadly, to be friends for a reason AND a season, I suppose, but not a lifetime.  :0(

There is silence in my house today. Peace. Calm. No TV.  No music.  Sweet, blessed silence as I sit and think and let my thoughts meander along, taking me hither and yon!  Life has become busy, kinda mindless in some ways. These quiet times are precious and they’re filled with thinking and art and writing.  And as I so often do when I hop off life’s treadmill for a minute and really feel the next breath and pay attention to my strong and healthy (knock on wood!) body, the thought crosses my mind… how incredibly, impossibly lucky am I in this life?  It’s good to quietly sit and remember that from time to time!

A joyful/painful life that is racing along at breakneck speed!

And now…putting aside the thoughts, the writing and the overload of coffee, and onto the real plans for today!

Sending out waves of love, joy and goodwill to all, whether they be relationships of reason, season or lifetime!  

Thankful for all we’ve shared!