Wonderful Wedding Weekend

And so it is done. We are home from a wonderful few days at Pawtuckaway State Park, where Melly married Patrick in a really beautiful ceremony, in a really beautiful setting.  Today, I’m doing that reliving thing, making sure that various things are set firmly in my memory.  Photos are wonderful, of course, but there are things that I want in my head – snapshots in time that I can pull up at any time. Visuals, sure, but words, smells, feelings. They are my special snapshots!

There are, of course, plenty of actual photos though.  A very lovely man named Pat took the pro shots and they will be available a little later, but in the meantime,  looky here friends, family and folks!

 

Mel and Patrick with Steven and Mike, creators of Pawtuckaway Wedding Ale

 

 

Friday night camping dinner with family and friends and, below, a brilliant new use for an underused canoe!

 

Family and good friends gathered in this beautiful, woodsy setting and below, a good friend of both bride and groom, Fred, got ready to officiate!

 

Fred and Patrick wait for the main event and, below, the bride's sister and maid of honor, Rachel, and the groom's brother and best man, Kevin, walk down the aisle!

 

 And then she comes, this beautiful bride! On the arm of Mike, who was so proud to be walking her down the aisle and, below, delivering her to her future husband!

 

A beautiful exchange of vows between bride and groom and, below, a kiss to seal the deal. I love this picture of Mr and Mrs Flynn!!

 

Happy and emotional parents of the bride (who forgot their tissues!)

 

The best family picture in forever, (thanks to Patrick's brother, Kevin) and, below, some excellent time spent with awesome old friends, Mike and Karen!  So glad they joined us!

 

Mike had this little Troy-shadow during the reception and, below, I got a turn with both boys!

 

 We caught up with Monica and Travis, who now live close enough to join us and, below, we ate and ate and drank and drank some more!

 

 Nana and Maxwell spent a little time together and, below, there was wiffle ball for all those who had the energy after all that food and drink!

 

There were brownies galore, made by me and, below, S'mores galore, made by Mel, Rachel and friends as giveaway wedding favors!  Mmm....good!

 

Then there was the traditional cake ceremony. Look at these guys...I love them!  And then, below, we chilled around an enormous campfire, drank a little too much, ate more burgers and dogs and chatted about the day.

 

It was 100% awesome. We loved all of it and now we are home again, as the newlyweds head off on an epic, month long road trip honeymoon traveling around the country.  Much love and best wishes to Melly and Patrick, the new Mr and Mrs Flynn,and thank you for some awesome memories. 

It’s what us oldies live on, you know!

 

 

Reminiscing

On this Mother’s Day, 2014, I’ve been sitting here thinking, obviously, about what being a mother meant to me – and means to me still as I sit in my empty nest!  It’s thirty-two years since I held my first born in my arms. I was nineteen, and overwhelmed with the awesome responsibility of it all, terrified that I would mess it up, that I would mess him up, that I would just fail. I had spent my pregnancy reading everything I could get my hands on, and academically, I knew exactly what to do in any circumstance, from tantrums to choking to swearing to head lice!  I knew exactly when the milestones were supposed to occur. I knew how to swaddle, to change nappies (!) to burp, to bathe.  Surprisingly, I was somewhat shocked to immediately feel this strong mother bear sensation as I looked at him, and know that I loved him completely and endlessly, and realize, with a jolt, that I would quite literally kill for him, or die for him.  Yes, I knew every practical baby/child tidbit there was to know, but I hadn’t expected to be slammed with a kind of love I’d never really felt before. Go figure – I was always a little weird!  

Even though I was overwhelmed with love, I was kinda rigid in my parenting style. Determined as I was to prove wrong all those who thought I was too young, I stuck to a plan and a schedule and was mildly surprised to find it worked very well. He did things when they were ‘supposed’ to be done, he was cheerful, he thrived!  Yay for me, I thought. I’m pretty damn good at this!

Until he was two or three and he asserted his independence and resentment of the rigid schedule!  Then all hell began to break loose.  Shit, I thought. It was a fool’s paradise.  I’m a sucky mother after all!

Melanie came along when Danny was four. I thought I didn’t care about the sex of this second baby, but clearly that was something I just said because it’s what you’re supposed to say, because I was over the top thrilled with my baby girl. Not only a girl-child, but a beautiful, pale, plump cheeked cherub with huge, calm, bright blue eyes.  I had a little more understanding of how the whole mothering thing worked by then, so I was less rigid but no less in love.  I remember sitting looking at them one day, as Danny leaped somewhat suicidally off the back of the couch, his Superman cape flying out behind him, and just missed Mel, who had started to crawl, and although my heart was pounding, I was overwhelmed with love for them both.  Somehow, we had created these remarkable, scary little people!  Amazing.

And Steven came squawking into our world a year and a half after Mel, a little blue man, with the cord wrapped around his neck and needing all sorts of attention, like suctioning and monitoring.  He was colicky and shrieky for the first few months, refused to breastfeed as happily as his siblings had, and was  just a completely different child.  I was just as in love, of course, but I was overprotective of him, less inclined to be patient and understanding if he was in danger from his overactive brother’s antics. At six months old, I gave up the breast feeding battle, gave him a bottle and watched him suddenly thrive! Jeez!  From that day to this, I never judge any mother who chooses, for whatever reason, not to breastfeed!  To each his own, indeed!

And with that, I was all done!  No more for me. I would throw myself into being the best possible mother of these three beautiful and much loved people. I was much more relaxed by now, and much less rigid. But still, I had no desire to be their best friend. I was their mother, and I had a job to do!  It was easier back then because everyone felt the same way!  No was a word they needed to learn at home, because the adult world is full of ‘no’s, and how will they know how to handle it if they never hear it!  Yep, there would be time for friendship when they became adults, perhaps!  Call me old-fashioned – I still think it’s the best way!

I think I was a decent mother for the next few years. My life revolved around theirs. From sporting  events, to regular play dates, to craft times and birthday parties and bedtime stories and endless lullabies. I tried to adjust my parenting to their individual personalities and tried to figure out the challenges in creative ways.  I loved them all so passionately, and I wanted the world for them.

And suddenly, unexpectedly (but joyously, only ever joyously) there was Rachel! Born in her sister’s image, she was so gorgeous, another plump, pale and blue eyed beauty. And how everyone adored her, this late addition!  There were battles over who would hold her next, who would push the stroller, who would dress her.  She was calm and easy. She fed well, slept well and was a delight for us all! 

Decisions were made over the next decade and our lives changed radically. I made the decisions for all of us – with trepidation, with hope. No decision was ever made that wasn’t mulled over, slept on, considered from all angles.  And no decision (even the biggest of them all) was made without everyone in mind.  So some things worked out well, and others did not, and that’s life, I guess.  I know they know I love them as fiercely as I did on the day they were born, when I whispered thoughts and promises into their new ears.  I kept to those promises as best I could, and on one of them especially, I have never wavered. I promise to love you through anything in your life and mine.  My sweet four.  My life.

They think I have favorites.  But we mothers know, don’t we?  There are no favorites at all – there never have been or could be.  There are just different relationships, is all. What works for one doesn’t work for another, and what one needs, another one does not, and I hate that that can be seen as favoritism.  I could no more choose one over another than fly in the air!  And I love that they are different, from me and from each other. 

I love that they are good people, who care about each other and the world around them. That they are strong and tough, that they meet their own challenges.  I love that they have  good work ethics  and empathy and love. 

I wish the world for them on this mother’s day and always, and while everyone is thanking their mothers today, I want to thank my kids!  Thanks for being such great kids! Fun, funny, creative, smart, caring and cool.  And all that and cute too!! 

And I love them to the moooooooon and back… forever!

No forgiveness here

Someone sent me a forwarded message which suggested that the way back, after all this horror,  is to fill our hearts with love and light, and find forgiveness in our hearts for the perpetrators.

The way  Bostonians rallied after the tragedy, the amazing generosity of body and spirit, the solidarity, the courage – there is much to admire and respect, and my heart is full as I read people’s stories. It is hard to fathom how hundreds of people put aside thoughts of their own safety, and rushed headlong into the middle of such a huge mess. I am floored by the scenes I’m seeing. So many people running instinctively TOWARD the area where the bombs exploded.  It boggles my mind, but I am filled with admiration and huge respect. I wonder how many of us have that sort of selfless caring in us.  They’re inspirational. And they show us something which keeps that little spark of hope alive. There is humanity, there is still love and there is still hope.

But don’t talk to me about forgiveness.

 I don’t want to get forwarded messages purporting to be from angels, (that one is particularly offensive) explaining how to go on with understanding and forgiveness in our hearts.  Do not mention forgiveness to me unless your beautiful, beloved daughter was within yards of the finish line, as mine was, right in between the two blasts, suffering the hellish terror of the event.  I will debate forgiveness with you only if you can tell me you shared the agony of those two minutes of waiting for her to respond.

Two minutes.  Two millennia.

  

I, like millions of others, stand with Boston as recovery begins, to show that Boston survives, America survives, we survive with strength and purpose. You did not win anything, you miserable, cowardly  fuckers. You brought us to our knees, but today we stumble to our feet and begin to shuffle forward and by tomorrow we will gather our strength and our stride will gain purpose once more. They will not stop the spirit of Boston, even though they slow our pace and make us as a people grieve as one.

I am keeping love and immense caring and respect in my heart for those who suffered most, love for those whose suffering will continue endlessly as they come to terms with disabilities and devastating loss  and love for those who showed so much care and love themselves, as they helped those unfortunate injured.  I have not lost  faith in humanity, as Monday’s horror showed us the best as well as the worst  – and I am not filled up with the need for vengeance, but I am not ashamed to say that I hope there is a miserable death waiting for these criminals who, on Monday, changed the face of a beautiful sunny Boston afternoon. No forgiveness or understanding here.

Do not forward  bullshit emails to me about forgiveness .

I remain inspired by the good, amazed and uplifted by the spirit of hope - but I still hope the perpetrators die slowly, and I hope there’s a Hell.

No More Bah Humbug

As I prepare to celebrate Christmas 2012, with this pall of tragedy draped heavily over it, I feel a kind of responsibility to find the joy in the season, as those lost babies in Connecticut would have. I feel a need to join in with the rampant overabundance of this holiday season and remember, with every step I take and every cent I spend, how lucky I am to be able to do it. I feel a sense of urgency when I think of Christmas with my kids this year, to celebrate it all to its fullest extent. 

I know how lucky I am. . .and I won’t whine about any of it. I will not allow the doom and gloom to win.

This world can be a sad, cold-hearted bitch at times, for sure, but we are alive in it today. I am off to find conscious joy in the shopping and the cooking and the decorating and yes, even in the spending, because I’m alive to do it. It would feel wrong to do otherwise.

In honor of twenty six people who have died too soon, I will celebrate Christmas with all of the love and joy and excitement that this season should bring to us. And that feels right and respectful.

No more bah humbug.

 We are alive.

I will vote!

I will vote for President Barack Obama next Tuesday.   Because inheriting a spiraling mess is a huge challenge for an incoming president, and I realize that it takes many years to slow that spiral and start an improvement.  Because I believe that President Obama deserves his 8 years to fix President Bush’s mess.  The deficit we have now came about as a result of funding two  wars and providing an economic stimulus to avoid a second great depression – which would have been MUCH worse for most of us than where we are now, recovering from recession. When I take that into account, and then add in the frustrating consequences of congressional republicans deliberately blocking bills, and then laying the blame at the President’s feet, I must, in all good conscience, give him my vote of confidence for a second term and hope that the next Congress will be more reasonable in their decision making, perhaps basing their choices on the validity of the bills, rather than the “just say no” game we’ve seen with this congress. It is a truly pathetic congress who ignores the well-being of their constituents in favor of blocking progress just to scupper a president.  

I will vote for President Obama because in spite of congress, in spite of his presidential inheritance, he has managed to move the country in the right direction. He could not wave a magic wand over the mess, but jobs are coming back, slow and steady. Manufacturing industries are beginning to thrive again. The war in Iraq is over. Troops in Afghanistan will be coming home soon.  And Osama Bin Laden is dead.

It’s actually a pretty damn good four years work.

I will vote for President Obama because I want my LGBT friends to enjoy the same rights as I do. The right to marry whomever they choose, to have children, to be at a hospital bedside without question.  I have a deep appreciation for President Obama’s consideration of the issue, and his subsequent announcement of support.  

This is progress.

I will vote for President Obama because past progress should not be wiped out.  Because Roe v. Wade should never be revisited in the Supreme Court. Because women sometimes need to have abortions, for physical reasons, emotional reasons, medical reasons and practical reasons  (NOT just reasons that are approved by a testosterone heavy and old-fashioned government!) and the potential loss of the right to make those decisions is an appalling step backward in terms of women’s rights.  Because removing funding for Planned Parenthood would be a catastrophe for women who rely on it for screening tests, advice on their own health and wellbeing and yes, abortions when necessary.   I will vote for President Obama because he is still pushing for equal pay for women, even though the senate republicans have once again blocked the bill this past June, proving that stopping progress by playing politics is more important to them than the rights of their female constituents. What other possible reason could they have had?  I will actively vote against this backward and trivial group of people, who are playing politics while women continue their age old struggles.

I will actively vote against pushing women back into the desperation of backyard abortion clinics and/or a return to homestyle gin/coathanger DIY abortions.  I will actively vote against removing rights we have, for which our female forebears fought a long and hard battle.

I will vote for President Obama because of course education is the future of the American economy.  Of course it is. Pushing for more teachers, better resources, and smaller classrooms is an investment in the next generation.

I will vote for President Obama because he is unlikely to lead us into world conflicts with an ill-chosen comment. His measured words and carefully considered actions and reactions on the world’s political stage are much less likely to endanger or embarrass us. Just in the past year, we have seen Governor Romney’s performance on that world stage.  I don’t think he’s a bad person, as such, but I have fears.  Insulting an ally is just embarrassing, but an ill-considered comment elsewhere could lead us into yet more conflict.  A careful and responsible president seems imperative in a volatile world. My money is firmly on President Obama.

He may not be a perfect president and, being human, mistakes are to be expected, but we, as a country, are coming back. Recovery is everywhere, in increased  job growth, in troops arriving home, in assembly lines producing American cars, in the reduction of foreclosures, month by month.  Possibilities are everywhere, in the potential for thousands of uninsured and underinsured Americans to be able to get medical treatment without fear of bankruptcy, to have screening tests that they’ve been putting off.  I will actively vote for “Obamacare.”  It may not be perfect, but the very idea of repealing it is repugnant. What is it with congressional republicans that they feel this need to stay where we are, wallowing in the status quo. The Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) is a mighty step forward, in an area that needed a mighty step forward.  It will undoubtedly have teething troubles, but I will give it a chance, willingly.  I will take that mighty step forward happily, and with confidence.

I will vote for a continuation of the direction we’re going, for compassion and decency for women, and for progress.

Even staunch and vocal Romney supporter, Chris Christie (R – NJ) sang the praises of our president yesterday, as they worked hand in hand for the needs of those who have suffered in the storm. Governor Christie has, rather surprisingly, shown the way. Put politics aside and look at the man.  Hatred and nonsensical partisan politics should have no real place in decision making.  I won’t spread the hatred by jumping on the insult bandwagon, but I’ll share what I like, and dislike, about two men, and their potential for improving America.

I will be voting for President Barack Obama on Tuesday. It will be my first vote in a general election since becoming a US citizen in 2010, and I am proud and honored to contribute my vote to this country that I love.  Remember how hard those who came before us fought for that right before you decide not to bother. Ignore the bullshit, as much as possible, and look at the facts. (There are web sites for that!!)  And remember, if you don’t vote, complaining about the outcome later is not the right thing to do!

Whatever direction your political opinion take you, let it take you to the polls next Tuesday.

Vote, vote, vote!